The Meme Wars, Junior vs King Rex
Nuremberg Trials or Christmas in Mar A Lago?
Day 3. I finally got to see the old man in person. And let me tell you, he has a gigantic presence. And I hate saying it’s bigger than Barry’s, who doesn’t need it, but it was, and comparable only to MJ. He sets it up though since he craves it. It’s all eyes on him or else. And that’s the scariest part, and why most fear he won’t leave. It’s a false bravado. Acting as if he has this bellicosity ingrained in him. He’s never been a fighter though. Stand for nothing, fall for anything, and run from it all. The loudest guy is often the weakest. It’s Sun Tzu 101 stuff, but the old man thinks Sun Tzu is a tanning bed company he bankrupted back in the 90s. The old man wants people to think he stands and fights, but that’s not on his list of things to do so he goes and plays golf. Again. So of course, he went today, and when he came back that’s when I saw him. He turned the corner, and he was walking with a team of bodyguards. He’s taller and fatter in person. He didn’t notice me until he thought I wasn’t noticing him, and then once I did, he moved on. It was odd, stupid, scary, and over with in about 2 seconds. The split second he was gone, I wondered if that’s how Castro wanted to be viewed. Putin can’t do that because he’s too short, but Stalin. It’s not a false confidence anymore either despite how bad the old toupee is at really taking it to the mattresses because now he’s held the nuke codes and felt the power. It’s his drug now. Once he was gone from the area, I went to wander a bit. That’s when I saw the pictured room above. More on that below.
Now I knew there wasn’t a press briefing today, but I might as well go check on the stale donuts since I do have access. And nobody is paying attention to me since the resumes are being faxed out of this place like SOS coming out of the Titanic. Which is hilarious because these are people my age or younger who have been trying to keep this boat afloat for four years. And they are faxing resumes like it’s not 1993! Did they get these west wing jobs on monster and craigslist?
Then of course I saw Junior come in. His walk looks like he bought it off of Ebay. As if his swagger was replicated by watching Scott Baio and one rap video he saw as a child.
Every move is calculated, but he’s not very intelligent so the moves are corny. The strategy of an idiot. He knows who he is though because he’s always been Junior. So he is still the bratty six year old that the secretaries have to immediately find candy for or else he will start crying and then the old man will yell to shut up the fucking kid. And it’s not that he would care that the child is his, he wouldn’t even know. Just shut the kid up, will ya?
And Junior had a pep in his step. He was hopped up on something, and wanted see the old man lickety split. Juana, the maid I met yesterday, told me that the one that talks like Pauly Shore was here too but he had left.
Now most of the world knows what’s going on. Junior doesn’t want the old man to concede, but most importantly he doesn’t want the old man to listen to the one who sounds like Pauly Shore aka the son in law. Even more than that, Junior has helped set up the new fund which really just means his hand is already in it. And that new line of income is the official election defense fund. And right in the small print nobody reads it says that the money can be used to “retire debt from his re-election campaign.”
And that’s gonna win out right now because it means another chance of for a cash grab from the folks in the flyover. And look the people in the flyover, send boatloads of money to a guy they think is already a billionaire. The old man isn’t gonna get rid of that. He would continue to sell hats made in China to the anti-made in China crowd forever if he could. Junior has the better plan so the old man can’t concede. They need to milk this until the next plan of flyover folks sending money comes into play.
This isn’t how the red hats see things though. No, the Q crowd is ready for the circus they’ve been promised. The people of Walmart want their Nuremberg Trials, and they wanna watch Barry, Hilldog, and Sleepy Joe on trial and then well, nooses, I guess.…And look top men are on the project right now. Julie Awning won’t leave any of the four season’s unturned. If Bush can look for weapons of mass destruction in every American’s shoe at the airport, then Julie Awning can search through all the sex shops in South Philly looking for the conspirators of the Biden Crime Family.
A hotline has been set up too, but it was flooded by the old arch nemesis, TikTok, so much it had to be changed. The old man is learning that the internet plays both sides. And that’s where we are. The meme wars 2.0
The old man is too lazy to lead a civil war. He wants his base to think he is ready and willing. In reality, he wants his head photoshopped onto the body of a bigger guy. He doesn’t want to actually have to workout to get that body. If they put his head on the Rock’s body, perhaps no one would even notice. In reality, he just wants to tweet and golf. And his offspring, they aren’t even smart enough to work together themselves yet alone bring the hoi polloi together.
And despite how inept he is, Junior is the self-proclaimed meme general. (See King Joffrey’s self claim) It’s not that Junior is very good at the meme game, it is just a fact that the right is better at quick, branding slogans. The old man is a great example, but so is “Trickle Down Economics” as opposed to the left saying, “Defund the Police.” One is just better, and I still got people back in my home commonwealth who believe that trickle is still gonna rain down any day. (Kentucky is last in the country in anything related to fiscal on the charts.)
And this isn’t because the right has a better sense of humor. They don’t, and that’s a fact. It’s illegal to be funny and also be in the Good Old Boys. Have you not seen the Turtle from my state laugh? Google it. And if you have, you know he can’t ever be seen doing that. He wants to only look like his idol, Skeletor from He-man. (*By law, however, if I do bring up the Turtle of the Senate, I have to make a note that I don’t know whether or want Mitch McConnell pooped his pants back in 2004.)
The right and silent majority that voted for the old man in record numbers are the mostly fans of black hats, the bad guys. They cheer for the explosion to kill the hero, and want the joker to finally figure out whose chin that is! They adore men like Ted Bundy, and Freddie Krueger. They dress up as Michael Meyers on Halloween. So of course when they create a meme it’s better for the base. They are sexist and racist so the memes can be too. (Probably why McTurtle laughs.)
That’s why Hilldog was so easy. But racism and sexism isn’t the real reason the right is winning the meme war so far. The left just started the meme game in politics because most didn’t care and the others didn’t even know about it. Apathy. The real techies were busy making real tech not memes, and they didn’t have time to battle Junior in his imaginary war. Now the left can grab a slogan, see the Nasty Women, but can they really create and compete against the armies of 4chan? I was interested to see who the general would be on the left.
The first name to rise to the top of my list was the Lincoln Project. They had the biggest name, and did the hilarious billboards, but they weren’t even on the left. They are just Good Old Boys who hate the old man. If you’re wondering why the tickets weren’t straight red all the way down, it’s because of these guys. Attacking the top of the ticket, but helping out the lower red candidates. Sickening, and AOC is right for calling them out on it. And then I thought of AOC. The best looking lady to ever land a seat in the senate. That’s why the right hates her so much. She’s gorgeous, and the good old boys can only dream of her while dating basic white bitches who want to please speak to the manager. AOC is on pace to paint the front door on the white’s house red so she doesn’t have the time to participate in the meme war.
The left still needs a leader. An online identity that can bring the casus belli to this bootleg dynasty. So I googled and went to the bird app, and I crunched the numbers. The stats never lie, haven’t you seen Moneyball? All I could come up with was Rex Chapman.
Rex Fucking Chapman. Former NBA basketball player from the same commonwealth as me. He’s an older player whose basketball card you wouldn’t keep unless you were my cousins from Bullitt County who still have mullets. The folklore of King Rex is through the roof in my home state too. He beat Larry Bird in a shootout at Male High School back in ’91. (My uncles both saw the VHS tape), He banked in a baseline shot from 20 feet to win his sectional championship in Owensboro. He dribble the ball out of the car window when his mom would take him to school. And my favorite is when Indiana basketball coach Bobby Knight came to his home to recruit him, he came out of his bedroom, head to toe in Wildcat gear.
The most abundant highlight of Sexy Rexy, that’s in color and online, is of him getting his shot blocked by Shaq so hard that U-haul gave O’Neal a sponsorship. Shaq should have been charged with a felony for this block. And speaking of felonies, the son of Coach Wayne Chapman is no angel. He has sinned just like any of us. He isn’t perfect, but if the right can forgive the grab’em by the you-know guy, then we can forgive someone snatching from an evil empire company. And if we can’t then what are we even fighting for?
And it’s been decided, Rex Everett Chapman shall continue to lead the fight on the left until he can be replaced. Sometimes our leaders pick us, and we don’t pick them at all. The right can vouch for that as they didn’t pick Sleepy Joe. The man is both an idiot and an evil genius to them. Sleepy Joe was both asleep in his basement, and out voting in the election hundreds of times for himself. Julie Awning thinks maybe up to 5,000 times, but the true number isn’t known yet. First the ballots from Mars must be counted.
King Rex vs General Junior. And as the meme wars play out, and Covid runs through our country like a plague in the bible, we will all wait and see what is coming from the old man. Right now it’s nothing but golf and tweeting. The meme wars playing out in the background as he orders big macs and tells his favorite racist joke. The one he butchers every time and only Julie Awning laughs at anymore.
So day 3, no briefing, but hopefully there is one tomorrow. And since everyone here in the white’s house is sick or online looking for a job, I had a ton of freedom today. That’s when I found the empty room. Who knows if it was full last week, but it’s empty now. Perhaps it’s been empty for the entire length of time this administration has been here.
And that’s when it hit me. I can understand why the old man doesn’t want to concede, and take part in the peaceful transfer of power. The old man did that with Barry, and it was more than he could handle. Barry was a nerd. He had binders, and intel, and people actually working on things. The old man doesn’t even do that in the deals for his buildings. He just puts his name on it, gets access to the penthouse, and lets other people handle it. He can’t handle a peaceful transfer of power because the only thing he can hand Sleepy Joe is the nuclear football and that’s if he can find it. He still hasn’t found the light switch to the oval so he just leaves it on 24–7.
The old man just wants Sleepy Joe to take the keys, take the wheel, and he can go back to the beach to tweet. Hopefully tomorrow I can sit through my first briefing.
So I’m Gunner Bush, a liberal fuck, and remember liberals love America. Shit we are Americans so if you hate liberals, who are Americans, you hate Americans? How American is that.
And remember children, turn off the Faux News..
